Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
