I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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