it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think i got beer on your cat.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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