please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize