Christians are straight up FREAKS
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
