how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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