i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
