Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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