Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
