I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
