He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
