I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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