Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
