I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
