yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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