I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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