just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
