I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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