why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I could make wine with my vomit
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
