Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
