i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize