bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I am morally bankrupt
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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