omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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