I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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