weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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