and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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