Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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