i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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