i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
