i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
