No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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