Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
pop tarts are not kleenex
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
