It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
