They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
