I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
