she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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