bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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