Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
