i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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