I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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