My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
