I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
