I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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