I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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