Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
