You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
