I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my shit smells like andre
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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