That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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