no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's blow job season.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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