wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
