This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
