Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
