i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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