brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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