wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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