Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
