I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
are you so shy because you have an std?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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